I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
