i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
