I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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