Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
