This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
