I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
