You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
