Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
