playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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