So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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