we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
