Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
