it hurts more in the daytime
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That accounts for only three of the penises
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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