it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
