Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize