Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
