Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
