No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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