BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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