i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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