You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
