Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
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