we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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