That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
