Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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