Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
