you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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