I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
