shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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