from now on my penis is your penis
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
