i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
