clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
