Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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