never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
