you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
