Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
