everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
