Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
