if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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