We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize