I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
