I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
