eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
