I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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