GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
