i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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