He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
