But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said her name was "party"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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