i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
