in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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