so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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