Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
