if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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