but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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