i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Boobs speak an international language.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize