Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
