Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
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