Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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