MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
