Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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