A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
as a side note pls kill me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
