U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
