Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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