I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
