i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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