Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
