Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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