you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
