1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
