Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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