Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
