Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
