Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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