its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize