Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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