All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
