life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
