Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
