forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He passed out mid-signature
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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