Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
