I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
