I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize