Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
