i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
