im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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