Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
