and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
