Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
