i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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