Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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