Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
