can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
