Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
